Long long ago, in a time before dial up internet, there was a BBS in Calgary, Alberta, called the Nymphstar.
It ran on (to the best of my memory) an Apple ][, and had a 300 baud modem. The BBS software was custom. Users were grouped randomly onto ships. Each ship had it’s own message system where the crew could communicate. No other ships could see those internal message systems.
The sysop would read these and from time to time produce a fleet log that would greet you when you logged in. If you had been away for some time you may see multiple of these fleet logs scroll by to catch you up, before you could then participate in the shipboard messages.
I do not recall if there was a global message area. I do not think there was.
Depending on what the sysop saw was happening and felt like doing to mix things up, he would teleport crew between ships and watch their interactions.
This was a very unique experience.
Excerpts from the Nymphstar Fleet BBS Logs follow, Dec 1988 – Jan 1989
<Fleet Log for Dec 15 '88 at 02:42>
Sitting alone in a dark room, the robed mage stood up, and walked over to a
monitor. He flicked the switch, and watched the screen spring to life. The
small cursor on it flashed, and drifted to the center of the screen. Suddenly
it dissapeared and was replaced by an all too familiar face.
"Hi TDA!" It spoke cheerfully.
"Nymph! You're back!"
"You betcha. Great word. The Fleet Command was so impressed by our last
mission that they've finally given the okay for us to launch again!"
"Great stuff! What are we doing this time?"
"Well…it seems there has been this large pulse of energy detected out on
the far side of this galaxy, over in sector H5/3ZA. So I thought we'd check
"Ah well, it'll do for now." The mage paused for a moment, and bounced a
small flame between his hands for a while. "Do you think we'll have our old
"I doubt it. I've contacted the Leprechaun, and signed him on as Captain on
his old ship. I don't know if any of the old crew is out there. But I'm sure
we can make something from the raw recruits we'll be sent."
"Ya. Well, I'll see you onboard." The mage waves his hand, and the screen
<Fleet Log for Dec 16 '88 at 13:30>
And so the call came out. And so the people responded.
"Hey! What's that ringing? It's the Call! It must be! Someone, get me
out of this straight-jacket!" Ambush Bug writhed madly and freed himself.
Making his way to a hidden transdimensional space (the whereabouts not to be
disclosed publically) he suits up.
>> POP <<
"Oh Nymph…I'm home!" His laughter ringing the hollow corridors of the
"Ambush Bug? Is that really you?"
"Zarquil! Zarqy, my 'ol vict–buddy!"
"You got the Call, eh?"
"You bet. And an idea. Hold on."
>> POP <<
>> POP <<
"Here we are, a Rum & J-J-Jolt dispenser!"
"Alright Amby! Now we can get the parties on this ship!"
"Better. We're going to connect this sucker to the drive systems…Heh heh
Suddenly, as Nymph was waking up, a shiver of fear entered him. He knew
they were here….
<Fleet Log for Dec 18 '88 at 19:37>
"Well, that's that." Amby looked over his handiwork and smiled. Just then
Zarquil walked into the Engine room.
His jaw dropped. (Complete with thud sound).
"What did you say Zarq? Oh here, maybe you can speak better if we put your
jaw back on."
<Spluck> <- (official jaw being put on sound)
"Oh my god, you did it! Now, what happens?"
"Well, you see the main engines now come into the dispenser, and here, where
the two substances mix, the fumes intensify the normal reaction, creating
greater power. And when you poor some of the Rum and J-J-Jolt into this
funnel, we get a super boost of energy. Of course, we can't do that too much,
it causes the ship to shake like a martini. And you know how I hate olives."
Quickly they flicked a few switches, and the lights on their dispenser unit
came on. A low hum started, and the engines roared to life.
"GREAT STUFF!" Zarq yelled over the roar "NOW ALL WE NEED IS TO FIND
SOMEWHERE TO FLY THIS THING, AND SOMEONE TO…"
They both looked at each other in horror.
"THE WANDERER! OH SHIT!" And together they ran to the bridge.
MEANWHILE… (yes, you've been waiting for that first meanwhile for more than
a year and a half now)
"See Ed? It's easy to fly this ship."
"Ya, sure, it's just all those planets keep jumping in the way, right?"
"Exactly. Now watch as…" Before The Wanderer could finish, a the new
drives kicked in (Ouch!)
"What the…Wanderer, what did you do?!"
"Nothing! It's an omen telling me I should fly this thing!"
"Nymph here. Hi everyone. Well, except that the Triskelion has just
dissapeared a few moments ago, we are off to a certain nebula. As more people
come on, you can confuse them."
"nymph. i found the film u wanted."
"Great stuff Jac. Now, let's see in slow motion what happened to the
Monitors across the fleet flick into life showing the ship sitting there in
space. A red glow lights up in the rear, and suddenly the ship lurches off.
Then stops. Gives a few (hic)'s and shoots off again!
"Oh shit. They did connect it up. Well, come on. I'm sure they will get
the coords right sooner or later. They can find us."
<Fleet Log for DEC 20 '88 at 21:33>
"Attention crew. Everyone go to their stations please. I am igniting the
main engines in all the ships now. Oh, maybe I should put those coordinates
in first. Fine. Done. We are all heading to a nebula over in sector H5/3ZA
so I want you all to study your manuals on dealing with nebula natives.
Thanks. Nymph out."
"What the hell is all this?"
"What the hell is all what Lanice'ea?"
"That's PRINCESS Lanice'ea to you bub! What's all these lamp posts, and
darkened corridors? Why is there a red light sitting outside my cabin?"
Thudpucker stuttered for a moment…
"Oh, that, well, you see, to increase public relations, I wanted everyone to
know where our wonderful captain was. And of course I used a red lamp to show
just how wonderful you are."
"Oh, okay. But I want you to clean up the galley before I get back."
"Oh, where are you going?" Thudpucker asked…
"Oh, I'm off to the … Never mind. I'll be back." Grumpily, Lanice'ea
stormed down the corridor to the transporter room.
"Everyone, get your tickets here. Only official if sold by me!"
People passed and looked oddly at Gold Star. Some of them even stopped and
Eventually, Ed plunked along.
"Hey, what are the tickets for?"
"I'm holding a lottery to raise funds."
"Oh yeah? For what?"
"The Official Gold Star Cruise Vacation."
"Sounds like a good cause, but did you get a permit from Nymph?"
"Naw, what he doesn't know won't hurt him." Gold Star smiled smugly.
"But um…" Ed motioned (amazing things plankton can do nowadays) towards
the screen on the wall. "Look. It says right here in the log what you're
doing. And hey, what's this footnote about court martial Gold Star? Gold
Turning, Ed could see Gold Star racing down the corridor to the
"See? (hic) I toldsh you I couldsh drinks ya under the tables…(hic)"
"Ya, Wanderer. You win the bet. You've managed to drink Zarquil under the
table. Now come on, to your prize."
"What is it?" Wanderer managed to utter between belches towards Ambush Bug.
"You'll see. Come along."
After the two leave the room, Zarquil gets up and rushes over to the
"I think he bought it. Anyways, he's too drunk to tell the difference now.
Start the Ceremony."
A dark figure jumps out of the transport disc into a darker room. It sneaks
over to the corner, where the hum of engines and hiccups can be heard.
Pulling out some wire cutters, it cuts the wires (most appropriately) to the
device spewing out cans. The figure then pulls out a small box and attaches
it to the dispenser, and flicks a small switch upon the box.
Special effects budget gets dipped into, and lights flare and shoot out, and
in an amazing blue screen effect, the dispenser and box shrink down to an
incredibly small size.
The figure picks up the small object and puts it in their pocket.
"Hm. Better connect those wires to something. Hm. Ah, this will do."
The figure picks up the wires, and plugs them into another piece of
machinery that looks like it has been hacked, kicked, attacked, spat upon, and
disconnected in the past. The wires fit most comfortably, and the machinery
whirs to life.
Rushing back into the the transport disc, the figure gets away. Leaving the
camera to pan back to the machinery and do a close up. On the machine reads a
"Triskelion Asylum Robotics Controller"
And below it lights up:
"Asylum Robots now active"
"Jhary, is that you? What are you doing with that trenchcoat?"
"hey snoo. wanna buy some drugs"
"No no…That's my line. And it's like this: Hey mister, wanna buy some
drugs? Close though. Whatcha got?"
And so the crime wave goes on….Getting Leprechauns addicted is not a
"Now Wanderer, you say, 'I do accept this responsiblity.'"
"(Hic) are you sure this is how it goes? (belch)"
"Yes, I'm sure, just say it." Ambush Bug presses the record button and puts
to Wanderer's face.
"I do accept thish responshibility…(hic)"
The computer whirrs for a moment.
"Close enough." It says. "Congratualations Wanderer, you are now the
Official Captain of the Triskelion. Have a nice day."
"hey u, i got something 2 make these logs go faster. just try some of
"Jhary! No selling drugs to the people reading these logs! I can't condone
that behaviour, I might get my license revoked."
"what about selling them 2 the people in the logs?"
"Oh, I can't do anything about that…"
"So, Amby, this is what we have of the other Tri's in the Tri-Tri-Triskelion
"You bet Zarq. With us building them out of the used cans from the Rum &
J-J-Jolt dispenser, we should have the ships finished in no time."
"But why is everything so sticky?"
"Uh…well, we're having trouble finding anything strong enough to clean the
mixture from out of the empty cans…Hey! Why has production stopped!?!?"
"Uh oh, Amby! Look! Over there! It's one of the 'bots! They're back!"
"Oh shit. Bye!"
>> POP <<
"Amby? AMBY? Don't leave me alone with them!!!!"
<Fleet Log for DEC 22 '88 at 02:14>
"Well, here we are. Lanice'ea's invitation said this cabin. Must be the
right one. There's the red lamp."
"Is that you Snoo?"
Cursing and squirming, Zarquil gets dragged off by the newly reactivated
bots, and thrown into the first working cell.
"Get me out of here! Don't leave me in here!"
The bots lock the door, and head off looking for more patients….
"Damn. Well, at least this cell has new bananas in it."
Wanderer, still drunk, starts mumbling out commands and orders.
Fortunately, while the Ceremony was going on, and now during this celebration
the rest of the crew is having for not being named Captain, the Triskelion is
on autopilot. Nymph tracks the ship, and sends it back to the Fleet, carrying
the two Tri's in tow…
"Snoo, you awake?" Lanice'ea tickles him just to make sure.
"Finally. I thought he'd never tire out! Phew. Now to try the
She gets up and wanders over to her closet. She pulls out a long tube, with
a needle on the end.
She puts the intravenous needle into Snoo's arm, and wanders back to the
closet, where we see an all-too-familiar large rectangular piece of
machinery. She sets a few settings and switches a few switches. In moments,
the dark substance starts flowing down the tube into Snoo's body…
"shh zarky. i brought u your coffee."
"Great! Oh, I don't want it black. Do you have any whitener?"
"i was hoping u would say that." Jhary pulls out a small package of white
powder from his trenchcoat and stirs it in the cup. He puts it in the food
airlock to the cell, and leaves.
"Ahh. Good." Zarquil takes the coffee unsuspecting, and drinks it down…
"I thinksh we should all (hic) lishen to what I hash to shay…(hic)"
"Shut up Wanderer. We need a plan to get Zarquil back."
The door suddenly gets kicked open!
"I've got the plan, and I'm just the one to rescue him!"
Standing there, in the doorway, is Ed. The small plankton is carrying two
M61's and has belts of ammo and grenades (all plankton-sized) all over his
"Look!" cries and extra (they're back too) "It's Plankbo! Fighter of Truth
"Ah, I'm back! Now, whose going to stop me from taking over the Deodar?!"
The dark robed mage steps into the light and waves his hands. Suddenly, the
floor seems to come alive and it wraps itself around Mohammar, tightly binding
"Glad to see you Mo. I needed someone to experiment on."
The door slides open, and in walks Jhary.
"hey babe, u want sum … hey what r u doing with my snoo"
"Your Snoo?" Lanice'ea sneers (very dramatically too I might add) "He's
mine now! I've got him mind controlled thanks to this!" She says, pointing
at the all-too-familiar thingy in the closet.
"nonsense. i control him with the substance he took."
Simulataneously, Jhary reaches for a whistle and blows it, while Lanice'ea
presses a button on a small black device. Snoo starts to convulse! He
writhes (sp?) and foam starts to form at the corners of his mouth.
Just then, at that inopportune moment while both factions struggle for
control, someone trips over the speaker system and floods the ship with
Chipmunk Christmas music.
And then, from out in the corridor comes a man in a suit bearing a suitcase.
"Ahh, Snoo. Apparently, there has been a mistake…" he says "The computer
seems to have lost all your test results, and since we can't find any way to
prove you passed university, I'm afraid you're going to have to take all the
finals again. I've brought a copy of each here for you. You have 5 hours for
all of them. No cheating now."
It was too much. Something exploded. Snoo screamed out in such a blood
wrenching cry that it shocked Jhary to say something in capital letters for a
moment. (But just for a moment, mind you). In the last moments of this log,
he manages to break free of the restraining straps placed upon him, and with
<Long pause, not overly dramatic>
"Where did he go?" Lanice'ea asks.
"beats me" Jhary says, then rushes out of the room before the extras catch
(The Quest for Snoo begins!)
<Fleet Log for DEC 24 '88 at 03:08>
Nymph had called a general meeting of all available Captains and extras not
doing anything in the Oberon.
"Alright. Now what? Snoo is gone, and I've finally been told why. Jhary
is being punished. I've sent Midnight Dj as his punishment officer.
"Lanice'ea, I'm not sure about. But what we need to do is find Snoo."
As they spoke and grumbled among themselves, there was suddenly:
And in a puff of grey smoke, there lay Snoo. Sort of. He was all grey, all
over, the same tone. Almost looking like he had turned to stone.
In fact, upon inspection, he was unable to be moved, and seemed very stone
"Oh great, now what are we supposed to do?"
And with that, a colorful puff of smoke appeared, and from it came TDA.
"Sorry, I've been…detained. Stand back."
The Dark Adept waved his hands, and small, faint glimers of green light
glowed over Snoo for a moment and faded out.
"Hm. Simple. He's lost his soul. All we have to do is find it, and put it
"Oh sure, easy for you to say TDA. Harder to do. How are we going to do
that?" Lanice'ea asked.
For a few moments, everyone pondered. Then Nymph spoke up.
"I've got it! The best way to find a Leprechaun's soul, is to ask another
Leprechaun! We'll have to just track down that planet again! Even though
it's moved, the same signals come from it. Then we can just hyperwarp over
there, and find out…I hope."
Plankbo suited up, and went to the airlock.
"Now you're sure Amby, that this suit will protect me from space out there,
and allow me free movement to fire my weapons."
Plankbo stepped inside the airlock, fully armed, and in moments, was able to
leave the ship. Attaching a line to the outside of the hatch, he wanders
across the hull of the Triskelion.
Many tense moments and lots of special effects seens later, he comes to the
cell of Zarquil.
"I'm going to free you now. Ready?"
Plankbo stands back, and fires his armor-peircing bazooka at the hull.
A hole rips open in the hull to the cell. A hole big enough for 5 Plankbos
to fit through. Unfortunately, Plankbo forgot something about the property of
vacuums, and the size of himself. As the cabin depressurized at a rapid rate,
Zarquil was sucked out the tiny fist-sized hole, and ripped into the cold
vacuum of space. What was left of him from leaving the cell died instantly.
"Oh shit. Um. Hold it. Can we try this again?"
With the Triskelion having lost it's Rum & J-J-Jolt Dispenser, Wanderer was
starting to feel the effects of sobriety.
<Fleet Log for Dec 28 '88 at 17:08>
The fleet halted in deep space.
"Well, here we are." Nymph addressed Midnight Dj.
"Ya. But where is the planet?"
"Don't you remember? After we helped them the last time, they moved the
planet, so that people couldn't find them. No Leprechaun likes to be found,
if they can help it."
"So, what do you plan to do?"
"Well, I had hoped to just follow the signals we followed last time. But it
seems that they are always changing. Obviously, they wanted to make sure no
one could steal their gold."
"Geez. What do we do now?"
"Hmm…I'm not su– Wait! I've got it!"
"It was a good idea to put Ed in charge of the new onboard theaters here, eh
"Um…yah. (hic). The only thing ish, (urp) all he rentedth was every
Rambo movie in exishtensh…(hic)"
"Ya, well, I'm sure we can do something about that later…"
"Now….Let's try something new. Drink this Mohammar."
"No! Ack, I've tried 237 potions of yours in the last 5 hours. Pleas, no
"Now now, you know that if you are going to anger a mage, you must pay the
price. Here we go…"
Before TDA's eyes, Mohammar started to change. His hair grew long, and a
top hat formed on his head. Mohammar was becoming…..Slash….
Zarquil's body was eventually picked up by a passing good samaritan, who put
him in a casket, and launched it back into space.
It fell, a long time later, onto a planet. The casket barely survived
re-entry, but was smashed when it hit the planet, in the midst of some
semi-primitive village, where they doused the body in an odd ebalming mixture,
and set it up as an idol to worship. Zarquil had finally found followers at
Needless to say, Ed's scream woke every other Triskelion crew hand.
"What's going on Ed?"
"Oh geez, Amby, you'd never believe it! I must have been dreaming. I
thought I just saw Zarquil. He was standing there in chains, going on about
how I killed him. It was horrible…"
Hiding in the closet, listening, Zarquil's ghost snickered, and moved on…
"Okay. Thanks Nermal, you'll get this back."
Nermal hopped back on the transport disc, and back to her long-range
"Okay, Dj, now, we've borrowed some of Nermal's gold."
"And what is this supposed to prove Nymph?"
"Watch, and get ready."
Dj hid behind a nearby hiding place, and Nymph opened all external hailing
"Oh gosh. Look, some gold. All by itself. I guess it belongs to no one,
well, I better take it, I guess."
A small little man in green clothes, and red hair appeared, and dove towards
the few coins of gold.
Before he could reach it though, Dj jumped out and grabbed the man.
"Aha! Now we've got you!"
"Oh shit. No fair! You aren't supposed to trap us Leprechauns. This is no
fair! Let me go!"
"Not yet." Nymph's face appeared on the screen. "Remember me?"
"Remember back when your planet was being terrorized?"
"Yes! You? It is you! I thought you people were our friends!"
"We are. But we need your help, and as we couldn't get to your planet, we
had to bring you here."
"Why? What's wrong?"
"Look over in the corner."
The Leprechaun apprehensively glanced over, and sitting in a clear container
of Goo, sat Snoo.
"Lepresnoo! What has happened to our savior?"
"His soul has been um. Removed from him. We don't know exactly how. We
were hoping you could tell us how to get it back."
"Why is he in that goo?"
"That Goo is magical Goo, thank you. It possess healing qualities that are
unsurpassed in all the cosmos. It's a gift from Squatch and his planet."
"Ah. Well, the solution is simple…"
<Fleet Log for Jan 1 '89 at 17:01>
>> POP <<
"Ack! Damn it! How am I going to (cough)–"
>> POP <<
"Get the he(cough)–"
>> POP <<
"outa my suit? Damn teleport controls are set on too sensitive (cough)–"
>> POP <<
>> POP <<
>> POP <<
"Damn it! Get me some cough medicine (cough)–"
>> POP <<
"Now, all we have to do is hold a seance, or something spelled close to
that, and raise up Oprah Winfrey's soul. Then we can put her into the body
here, and voila! Teleporting Talk Show Hostesses will air on intergalatic
television. With me as the announcer of course."
"That seems like a good idea Max…" Slash said, looking at the body of Snoo
in the jar of Goo, "…but are you sure it will work?"
"Of course it will! Ever since Oprah dieted herself to death back in the
80's, she's now small enough to fit into any body."
"That's not what I meant…"
Suddenly the lights were turned on, and Midnight DJ stood there in the
"Hey, get out of this room! It's restricted! And what are you doing with
As Dj was about to call for the security bots, (which, fortunately for him
he didn't) the duo jumped past Dj and down the corridor, to the nearest
"Dammit! When I ordered a new Fireflash, I thought it came assembled! I'll
sue Consumers for this!"
Zapper grumbled as he started trying to decipher the assembly
"Do you think we can trust that Leprechaun, Nymph?"
"Well, we have to, Dj. Besides, I gave him the gold, what more could he ask
"I dunno, he said something about noticing a red light outside a cabin on
his way over. But I guess we don't have time to go into that."
Dj started drawing various symbols on the floor, turning on neon beer signs
at the various points of a pentagram, and filling up the mugs of beer inside
the circle. He then laid out the gold coins around the body of snoo, which
was placed in the center of the pentagram.
"Okay Nymph. Everything is set up. Call in the others."
A disc appeared in the room, and out stepped The Wanderer, Valley Elf, Jhary
A Conel, and Princess Lanice'ea.
"Okay, so like, we're totally here. Like, what are we supposed to do like,
"Here, take a look at this paper. It describes the chant and the actions we
are supposed to perform to try and summon Snoo back into his body."
The people read, and when everyone was ready, they sat down around the
points of the pentagram. Besides each of them was two jugs of beer, a glass,
a deck of cards, and some gold coins. They filled up their glasses and
started shuffling the cards. Then they started to play Give and Take.
"C'mon Snoo, I'll buy this round." They started to chant.
"C'mon Snoo, I'll buy this round." They continued.
After chanting the words three times, they threw in a gold coin into the
circle, and drank back the whole glass of beer. Then they refilled the
glasses, shuffled the cards, and started chanting again.
"C'mon (burp) Snoo, I'll buy (burp) this round."
On and on it went. The people started to slur they're words, and were
running out of coins. Then they heard a humming sound. It was low, and soft,
and then the coins started to glow.
They all stared in astonishment as the level of beer in the five huge mugs
placed in the pentagram slowly started to drop. As the beer went down, Snoo's
color restored to something akin to normal. Finally the last drop of beer
dissapeared. Snoo opened his eyes.
"Buuuuurp" was the first word he gave on his return to the land of the
living. He sat up slowly, looked around him, and his eyes bugged out for a
"I'm feeling MUUUCH better now…"
"Hey Sid, help me out of these chains."
"Tell me Zarquil, what's with the corny outfit?"
"I'm just trying to add a little spirit to some of the crew of the
Triskelion. Maybe they'll think twice about deserting me next time."
"Next time? But you're dead?!"
"Ya, but I might feel better tomorrow."
"Okay Jhary, we're here. The entrance to the Sanctuary. Now, all we have
to do is open the door, and turn off the security code before the music
defense system blasts us to death with Jim Nabors….."
"ok dj. im ready when u r."
The two walked up to the door, and threw it open.
"so whats the code dj."
"Me? I thought you knew the code!"
Both of them turned their eyes inwards to see the huge speaker facing them.
A light went on and they could hear the sound of power building up behind it.
(to be continued)
<Fleet Log for Jan 4 '89 at 02:16>
"what do u mean u dont know the code!!!"
"Um…wait, hold on. I think I wrote in on the back of my leg. I'll
"i think u better hurry…"
"Hold on, I think this is it. Can't tell from the ink smudging. Lets
"Yoooouuuu…" The song started.
Midnight Dj in a desperate leap, reached the security panel. He quickly
typed in a code, and in a screaming moment of agony later as the song reached
it's second word, the security panel lit up and said:
"Code accepted. Welcome back Dj."
The two collapsed for a while…
Zarquil passed through the hull into Ed's room. He floated up to Ed the
Plankton and whispered in his ear.
"I will donate my paychecks to the Zarquil Relief Fund. I will donate my
paychecks to the Zarquil Relief Fund. I will…"
Soon Ed started to mumble.
"I wul doona me pahcheks oo he Zarkil Relef Fun….I wul…"
Nymph started accessing some of its automatic subconscious levels. Coming
across a routine maintenance program, Nymph set it in motion and continued
through its brain…
On the Geryon, a dusting bot came to life, and started to dust machinery in
a fury. It hit a small switch and didn't notice. It did notice the light it
lit up, and seeing how dusty it was, it dusted it and continued on.
The light indicated that power was being restored to one of the long
forgotten power transferring-polarized-flimicron storage zaton-cross
energizing units. As the dusting bot continued, another light lit up on a
small platform on the far side of the room. It too was very dusty, so the bot
wheeled over, and eventually managed to lift itself up onto the platform and
start dusting. Then it happened.
A flash of light burst into the bot, sending it skidding across the room.
The limited speech facility on the bot came to life.
>Urg. I feel >gwarp< different.<
The bot looked at itself.
>What the >gwarp< hell? I'm inside a bot! >gwarp< Nymph! Help me! It's
me >gwarp< Zabondrian!<
"Singing telegram for Snoo."
Snoo looked up from his meal at the extra in a bellhop uniform.
"A telegram? For me? What's it say?"
"(ahem). To Snoo:
Dear 'ol Snoo,
Who sat in some Goo,
We found your soul,
With your gold we stole."
"What!?! My gold! I want my gold!" And with a angry snort, he made the
extra's clothes turn into wet peanut butter.
The fleet changed course, and loomed ever onwards towards the Nebula, in
sector H5/3ZA…The Nebula, which for lack of a better name, was named the
Dark Nebula. Which seemed appropriate, as no one left the light on inside of
<Fleet Log for Jan 6 '89 at 23:16>
"Awww…what a cute doggie."
The hand reached down and patted Benji. When the hand lifted away and the
person looked away for a moment, Benji's leg lifted…
"I'm the Captain!"
"No, I'm the Captain!"
Hobbes leaped into Captain Noogie, and the two went sprawling down the
<Bang> <Oof> <Bam> <Pow>
"Hey you two!" Zarquil screamed.
"Zarquil? I thought you were dead?" Noogie and Hobbes asked, getting up
from the floor.
"I am. You two are making enough noise to wake the dead. What's your
"Well, I wanna be Captain, and so does he."
"Sigh…Look. It's a big ship, why don't you just renovate it a little, and
both be Captains! Sheesh. Can't us dead people ever rest?" Zarquil floated
off through the wall with a tired and disgusting look on his face.
"Hey, Hobbes, he's right. Why not?"
"Okay. But I get the stores of Tuna Fish."
>> POP <<
"Damn! Zero'd in on the closet AGAIN! Hm. Nice heels. Cute blo–"
The door was thrown open. Standing there, in a skimpy nightie that almost
covered some skin, was Lanice'ea.
"Hi Ambush Bug. Or may I call you Amby? Into closets I see."
"Um…er…ya. Look, I can expla–"
"No need. I was hoping you'd pop in for a visit."
"You were?" At this point, Ambush Bug was having serious problems keeping
the drool in his mouth and the eyes in his head.
"Come on out of the closet, Amby. You must be cold after all that
teleporting about. I have a nice warm bed over here…"
"Damn you dog! You pissed on my leg! Get back here you mutt!" Aragorn
screamed running down the hallway…
"Sheesh, those two…Hey! You're new here. Hi, I'm Zarquil. Welcome to
the ship of the dead."
"Hi. I'm Tasha."
"Don't I know you from somewhere?"
"Um, I don't think so…"
"Yes, I know it…Maybe…Did I see you on television once?"
"Ah, well, it will come to me soon enough. When you're dead, the first
thing to go is your memory. If you're a Zarquilian, the next thing is your
"Ah. A what?"
"I'll explain later, I'm off to see someone about a red lamp…"
"Ah, damn. Look, the dusting 'bots are malfunctioning. This one is trying
to use the communications console. C'mon down."
>Hey! Put me down >gwarp< ensign Schnicker! It's >gwarp< me, you're
Captain! >gwarp< Zabondrian, you remember?<
"No way man, Zab's a cool frood, who's a hot ball of energy."
>Ya, but somehow I >gwarp< got put in this 'bot. Ya gotta help me. >gwarp<
I'll prove it. Remember >gwarp< how we chained your cousin to >gwarp< the
dimensional flibrilizer for your >gwarp< birthday?<
"Yeah. Hey! Not 'bot would know that. It must be you Zab! What can we
>Round up >gwarp< some extras, and try to find >gwarp< a spare droid that's
a little more useful, and hopefully >gwarp< humanoid.<
"Hey, you stupid mutt! Come back here! You pissed on my leg you hairy
mongrel!" Snoo yelled as he ran down the corridor after Benji…
Someone's ankles were being fondled…
"So, will you help me? I want to bring back my friend Zarquil from the
"Okay, like, fer shur. No problem, Aragorn, like, I can get you like, thuh
spell, but like, you'll totally have to like, get thuh spell components
yourself. I'm so totally low on like, my stocks, fer shur. All I have is
like, these gnarly neon beads and like, some blood of like, really grody
"Thanks V.E. You're a gnarly elf."
"Get back here you damn mutt! I'll kill you!"
Benji tore down the corridor, with Snoo, Wanderer, and Slash chasing after
"He's just been sitting there for days with that dazed look doc, what should
I do? Ed isn't like that usually."
"Don't vorry. Ed's just thinking, I think."
And sure enough, in Plankbo's mind, a thought was forming.
"I think…Um….I think I should…Um….Get something…Um…I think I
should get the…dispenser? Ya! That's it! I'll get the dispenser back, or
my name isn't..uh…Plankbo!"
Zarquil drifted through the vacuum of space towards the Merino. Outside
many portholes were red lamps.
"Shit. Now which one is which? Well, I guess I'll just have to look in them
one at a time until I find Lanice'ea."
He drifted through the hull of the nearest one.
"Nope." Zarquil thought to himself. "That's not her. Cute, but not
He contined to the next one. There he saw a woman, standing infront of a
small dressing mirror. Her hair flowed softly down her back, and she was
wearing a black dress with no back.
"Um…excuse me, miss?" Zarquil asked.
"Aah!" The startled person turned around and to Zarquil's surprise, under
the wig, he recognized Melvin C. Thudpucker…
"Melvin? Are you in there?"
"Um. I'm kinda busy, who is it?"
"It's me, Leather. Are you going to open the door or what?"
"Um. No. I can't. I'd love to, but I'm REALLY busy right now."
"Um. Never mind. You wouldn't understand."
"I dunno, I think she might." Came another male voice from the cabin.
"Shhh. Shut up." Melvin whispered back. "I can't let her see me like this."
"Why not, the dress suits you." Came the reply.
"Oh Hell, if you're with someone else and you can't be bothered, to hell
with you Melvin." Leather yelled and stormed off down the corridor.
The extra's lifted the 'bot onto the lab bench. One of them tripped, and
knocked over beakers and tubes into a vat.
>You idiot! I've still >gwarp< got several experiments in here! Now you've
>gwarp< mixed up several months work!<
The extra took the vat and put it in a closet. He closed the door and went
back to the others.
Inside the vat, something was happening…Something was being
created….Something was reacting….A viral infection was being born…
"Hey, a genuine Ambush Bug comic! Wow! And someone left this beauty lying
around. Well, it's mine now. Must be my day. First I get that 'do it
yourself VooDoo kit' in the mail, now I find this Ambush Bug comic. Great
<Fleet Log for Jan 7 '89 at 17:26>
"Nope. Not here." Plankbo threw away the last piece of furniture over his
shoulder. Behind him was a wake of utter destruction and torn newspapers.
"Of course not! We knew it wasn't here! We already checked for the Rum &
J-J-Jolt dispenser on this ship!" Wanderer fumed at Plankbo.
"Oh. Well, you could have told me."
"We did! You didn't listen! Your machine gun was making too much noise!"
"Oh ya. Well, where should I look?"
"I don't care! But as your Captain, I order you to find it, and to look on
any other ship but the Tri-Tri-Triskelion! Ensign Gnork! Get me a drink!
I've been sober for about a week now!"
Wanderer stormed off, leaving Plankbo to think.
"Hm. Where to look. Well, maybe I'll go to ask Princess Lanice'ea. I'd
like to visit her anyhow."
"Er. Um. Testicles of a horned toad? This list of spell components is
getting weirder all the time…Nymph?"
"Nymph here. What can I do for you on this exceptionally nice and happy
"Um. Do you have any horned toad testicles?"
"Not personally, Aragorn. Why, do you?"
"No no no no. I'm trying to bring back Zarquil–"
"What on earth for?"
"Never mind that. Anyways, I'm looking for some spell components. Here's
Aragorn held the list up to the screen, and the face upon it looked up and
"Hm. Well, I'll try and see what we can find. I know we have none of the
bottom five in stores. Maybe you can see TDA about some."
A small canine was hiding in a closet somewhere, while furious people
"Okay Captain Zab. We've found a droid! It's sorta old, and disused, but
Nymph said we could have it, as it burned itself out some time ago. We've
repaired it, but it's powerless at the moment. All we need to do is transfer
you into it."
>Good. Now >gwarp< get onto it! I hate this >gwarp< cheap speaker system!
Is it >gwarp< humanoid?<
"Ya, more or less. Doesn't have any dusting fetishes or anything. No built
in programs requiring it to do anything strange."
The extras piled Zabondrian onto the platform, reversed the switch and threw
it. Lights and sounds flashed and zapped, and in a moment, the dusting bot
went whirring on it's way without saying anything, knowing it was 3 days
behind in it's dusting schedule.
Someone ran over to pick up the switch and bring it back while the rest of
them put the new droid on the platform. They set the switch back to normal,
and threw it again. This time they got a nice bank shot off the wall and lab
bench, and into the wastepaper basket.
"Alright! I think it worked. Zab, are you okay?"
The little droid raised up it's hand and gave a thumbs up!
"Great stuff. So, how do you like your new body Zab? Zab? Say
The droid stood up. Shook it's head and started jumping up and down. It
then leapt to the extra and started strangling him.
"What's wrong? What's (gasp) wrong?"
Zabondrian ran over to grab a pen and paper. He started writing. He handed
the note to another extra who read it out.
"Let's see, it says 'You moron, this robot doesn't have a mouth! I can't
speak you idiot.'"
"Well, if you're going to be hostile about it Zab, I've got better things to
The closet door opened. Out stepped Viral Infection. He saw that there
were several people standing around busy with a droid choking them. Before he
could go up to them, a little dusting 'bot came up and started madly dusting
the place. In the cloud of dust, the Infection choked and walked to the
nearest door. Down the corridors it trundled happily, wondering what life
would be like for him. He came to a room.
"Transporter room. Hm. Let's see."
Inside was a small cubicle and a white disc. A sign said "Step on disc." So
he did. Instantly, one of Nymph's lower conscious sub-programs burst into
"Hi there. Hey, you're new! Well, hi, and welcome. I'm Nymph, the
computer. Where would you like to go on this splendid day?"
"Where is there to go?"
"Well, there's Achates, and Deodar, and Triskelion, and Explorer, and
Geryon, whoops, you're already there, and Merino.."
"Hold it. I'll take that last one. That sounds like someplace fun."
"Okay, Merino it is…hold onto your cookies."
"Yes? Who is it?"
"It's me, Plankbo. Can I come in Lanice'ea?"
"Why of course. Leave your guns at the door please. While you're at it,
leave your clothes there too."
A big grin came to Plankbo's face. He stepped inside.
"Melvin, I dunno. I am not sure if black is your color."
"Jokes. Sure, he discovers my secret, and he makes jokes. Typical
"Well, maybe if you told me why you were in a dress, I could understand…"
Melvin let out a big sigh. His life secret was about to be let out.
"You see, Zarquil, I'm not really Melvin C. Thudpucker, disgustingly sick
and perverse person at large. I'm really…"
Melvin put his hands to his face, and removed the fake rubber mask.
"I'm really Marline C. Thudpucker…"
"You're a girl?"
"Sort of. There is more. You see…"
Melvin took off his (er, her) clothes, and then she took hold of a zipper on
the edge of her shoulder. She started to unzip the fake rubber skin she was
wearing on her body. The skin fell away, and underneath, was something
Zarquil would never have thought of.
"I'm Marline C. Thudpucker, the infamous female bi-sexual, transvestite,
dark-spotted duck-billed platypus."
Zarquil's jaw dropped. Though this time it floated back up…as ghosts
don't spluck their jaws. Then he felt a sensation he never thought he would
have, being dead. A pleasurable sensation. A sensation of desire, for this
female bi-sexual, (hopefully necropheliac) transvestite, dark-spotted duck
"Who is it?"
"Um. I'm not really sure. I just came into existance, but I haven't thought
of a name for myself. Do you know you have a red lamp outside your door?"
The door opened, and Lanice'ea stood there, looking at Viral Infection. (Who
happened to look like a normal human.)
"Hm. You look strong and handsome enough, come inside."
The instant Lanice'ea touched his hand, something happened. Viral had
spread his not-too-deadly-but-sort-of-weird infection to her. She pulled
away, and started to shake. She started to scream, then stopped.
"What…oh…" She mumbled, clearing her head. "WHAT AM I DOING IN THESE
CLOTHES?!?!" She said, looking down at her lingerie (sp?). She looked at
Viral and blushed.
"Um. Just a second, I must get changed."
The door closed, and Viral could hear some rushed hurrying about. Some time
later, the door opened up.
"Come inside, sorry to keep you waiting like that."
In the door stood lanice'ea. Wearing a plaid skirt, non-complimentary
blouse, done up to the collar and fastened by a brooch. Her hair was done up
in a bun that was so tight it looked painful. She had been changed. She was
now an ultra conservative female, whose only ambition was to be a librarian.
"I forget why you are here, but it must be to borrow some books. Come
Viral followed her inside, and noticed two entities hooked up to a machine,
pumping a dark liquid into their veins. One was a man who was naked, but
covered with a bedsheet, who had a big smile on his face as if he had been
waiting for this for a long time. The other appeared to be a piece of
plankton, which was burping softly.
Viral and Lanice'ea sat down (in opposite chairs of course) and spent a
night of bliss reading various classics such as Shakespeare, and War and
<Fleet Log for Jan 17 '89 at 15:06>
"You're Captain!" Melvin yelled.
"No, you're Captain!" Lanice'ea retorted articularily (?)
After about five or so minutes of arguing, the two stormed off their
seperate ways, with Melvin (or whatever he, er, you know, is) still being
Captain. Neither wanted the position, because they wanted to have more fun,
without any responsibility…
The candles were lit.
The pentagram was drawn, and the circle surrounding it complete.
Everything was made ready.
Aragorn started to chant something in some obscure language that he only
managed to pronounce by listening to a recording of it about 837 times in his
sleep. Of course, he didn't say much else now but bits of it…But he would
get over that.
The candles started to flicker, and a mysterious wind whipped up.
The Dark Adept stormed into the room.
"What the hell do you think you're doing in my workshop?"
"Trying to get Zarquil back to life!"
"You idiot! Where is the body! You need a body to put him into! Sheesh!
Get this mess cleaned up and do it on your ship! And get a body this time!"
The little droid worked with a fury, and finally, he managed to finish it!
He inserted the little module into his head, and switched it on. (The module,
his head. We assume, even though it IS Zabondrian, that his head was already
[I think I have it!]
[Yes! I think I do. But I need to test it. NYMPH!!!]
"Ow! No need to yell. Look, it's a wonderful day in space. Bet you didn't
know we could have solar chinooks! Well we can! My, the temperature is
almost a full degree above absolute zero outside, perfect for a nice spring
walk, don't you think?"
[My Limited Psychic Amplifier! I can speak..er…think to people now!]
"Oh. That's nice. But you really need a scarf to go with your outfit.
Maybe something in red?"
[No time! There is a not-so-deadly Viral Infection on board! I suspect is
has already infected some crewmembers. Have you noticed anything unusual?]
"Unusual? Are you kidding? Think about it, and where you are. Of course I
notice unusual things! Well…there was this extra-unusual thing. Cairo sent
me a nice message, but I thought she was just trying to con me into
something. And Zarquil keeps sending me these memos for me to conduct his
wedding ceremony to Melvin…I suppose that qualifies."
[Yes! Now, we need to find a cure, before the whole fleet loses itself in a
The Fleet reached the edge of the Dark Nebula. It slowed down to sub-light,
and sailed into the black abyss. As it did, suddenly, main power systems
started to fail.
"Um. Nymph here. Could someone please unplug their hairdryer while I am
scanning this area of space? It is causing some major problems. Thank you."
Lights came on again, and the fleet ventured forth. The light from the
ships seemed to be absorbed into the blackness, leaving nothing to see. It
was as if the dark was semi-solid in an odd sense. Using long range sensors,
navigators were able to detect a sphere that was darker than dark up ahead.
Assuming it was a planet, the Fleet set about to going in orbit.
"Message from Zabondrian to all Fleet Members: Warning, there is a Viral
Infection aboard. Treat with caution and ice cream. Do not attempt to
apprehend or sprinkle with chocolate chips. He is extremely dangerous, and
quite nice with a spot of tea. um. What did you say your name was friend? —
Oh, Viral. That's nice. Thanks for saying hi. Anyways, back to Zab's
"Geez. That's pretty scary. What does a Viral Infection look like Hobbes?"
"No idea Noogie. I'm launching a 20 megaton warhead at you."
"No prob. I have an anti-missle for that sucker. It's a good idea you had
to play this game. Pretty boring now that we don't fight. Your turn."
"Ya. Nuclear War ™ is fun. Hm. Hey, that's an idea!"
"This card. It says 'Super Serum'. It cures the Super Germ or the Super
Virus. Maybe we can get this card to work on Viral Infection!"
"Great idea! And here all I thought you thought about was tuna fish…"
"Hm. This man and plankton are still sleeping here. Maybe we share
quarters. I don't know why, there is enough space on this ship. Well,
perhaps they are waiting for a book. Yes. That's it."
Lanice'ea went over to her shelves, pulled a couple of books, and put them
in some auto-readers over Ambush Bug and Ed the Plankton. She then put
headphones on them, and the auto-readers began to read the two the entire
works of Piers Anthony.
Baroness appeared on the Triskelion.
"Good. Their Amazon defenses aren't in place anymore. Now, all I need to
A medi-droid whirled around the corner, and grabbed Baroness by various
"Hey! What are you doing!"
"Escaped prisoner retrieved. Moving to holding cell 39-BZ"
"I'm not a prisoner! I'm an Amazon! Can't you tell?"
The droid paused, and a medi-cam popped out of it's head.
<Scan> <Scan> <Scan>
"Impossible. You have both breasts. All Amazons from my medical books have
only one. You are deluded. You must be a prisoner."
Baroness' scream filled the empty hallways as she wad dragged to her new
Midnight Dj was wandering by the Repulsor Drive Unit Room when he noticed
the door was open. A man waved to him from a distance down the hallway.
"Hi yourself. Who are you?"
"Me? I'm Viral. Just doing my job and saying hi. So long. Nice friends
you have onboard too."
The figure wandered off, and with a nagging hunch Dj decided to check out
the Drive Unit Room. He straightened his back and went inside.
There was the drive unit, operating as normal. The shield that protected
the rest of the ship from the unit, in case of emergency, was down. Across
the floor were scattered various empty CD containers of old Wham records, Rick
Astly (sp?), Lionel Ritchie, Michael Jackson and so forth.
Sitting there, in a chair, reading Tiger Beat, with headphones plugged into
the system (which was going at full blast) was Jhary A Conel, with a big smile
on his face as he silently lip-sync'ed the lyrics.
Dj could only stand there in horror and fear at the catastrophe that had
struck his fellow crewmate. Viral had claimed yet another victim….
"Hey look!" Wanderer said to himself while inspecting the damaged cell.
His voice echoed inside of his vacc suit. There, on the edge of the hole that
Zarquil had been sucked out of, was an ear. A Zarquilian ear. Zarquil's
ear! Frozen and preserved after being scraped off, it looked rather
disgusting. But Wanderer managed to break it free from the hull, and sent it
down to the Geryon's Clone Labs, hoping to get a stuffed Zarquil Doll market
Fortunately for Zarquil, Aragorn was visiting the clone banks looking for a
spare body for Zarquil. (Nice how life works this way, isn't it?)
<Fleet Log for Jan 27 '89 at 01:54>
[Just a few more seconds…and…Done! There you go, one instant cloned
Zarquilian. Do you mind if I keep the ear as memorabilia?]
"No problem Zabondrian. Thanks. Here's your payment. I still can't get
over how your voice echoes back and forth inside my skull."
[Oh, I might have a theory or two on that, Aragorn. Pleasure doing
"Now, according to this pamphlet 'How to win friends and influence
Leprechauns', I think I have everything I need."
Hobbes went over to the communication center, and sent out a call for Snoo.
Moments passed, then…
"Snoo! Just the leprechaun I was looking for."
"Ya? What ya want?"
"I need you to do some reality bending. There is this nasty virus going
around, and I want you to make this Super Serum card into a real Super Serum."
"Hm..this could be tricky. Do you have a beer?"
"I need a beer to do this."
Hobbes handed Snoo a beer, and Snoo immediately popped the top and sucked it
"(urp). Better. Now, I need a beer to do this."
"But I just gave you a beer!!!"
"Ya, but that beer was for me. I still need a beer to do this."
Hobbes handed Snoo yet another beer.
"Now, how much money do you have on you?"
"Um. About $3.75."
"It'll do. Hand it over."
Hobbes handed the money over.
"I suppose you need that money for the trick?"
"No, I just need to buy some lunch. Okay, stand back."
Snoo took the card from Hobbes, and started to shake the beer. He popped
the top of and beer shot out of the bottle and over the card, and then
proceeded to shoot upwards, showering the entire area with beer.
<Poof!> <Poof!> <Poof!> etc…etc…
Not a drop hit the floor as Snoo teleported around to drink each drop before
"Ah. I don't believe in alcohol abuse." Snoo smiled and held up the card.
He snapped his fingers, and tapped the card. Out of the picture popped a
beaker with a blue liquid.
"There you go. One Super Serum. So long"
The candles were lit, the pentagram drawn, etc. etc. etc…You've read this
all before. To sum it up, Aragorn had set up the whole thing again in his
quarters. And then started chanting.
In a few moments, the pentagram started to glow. The body in the center of
it started to float upwards, till it was about 5 inches off of the floor. The
candles flickered in the unseen wind, yet remained lit.
Then Aragorn could feel the pull. It was working…
"So, Ghost, glad to see you back here."
"Thanks. But you weren't here before, were you Zarquil?"
"Well, not really. But I imagine I'm here to stay. Sigh. This may mean I
will never get married to Melvin…er…Marline. ** Sigh **"
Suddenly, a faint glow appeared around Zarquil, and his ecto-plasmic form
started to fade out.
"Zarquil! What's happening to you?"
"I don't know…I feel like I'm on the end of a rubber band ready to snap.
This is –"
And he faded completely out.
A bottle floated towards the Deodar. By an incredible moment of
coincidence, when someone was shoving an empty can of Jolt into the bomb
disposal unit, and the door opened on the outside of the ship, the bottle
floated inside the small compartment. Then the door outside closed, and the
inside one opened up again, and the bottle was inside.
The ex-owner of the Jolt can picked it up and started to shake it. Soon a
small moaning could be heard.
Deciding to take a drink, the extra pulled the top off, and out came a fine
It started to whirl, it started to twirl, and eventually coalesced (sp?)
into a solid form.
"Ah, it's been a bit, but Jack is back!"
Shaking his newly re-formed head, Jack Daniels quickly went to the nearest
depot of alcoholic substances…
"–not my day."
"It worked! Zarquil! You're alive!"
"What? Hm? Oh god, are you sure? Here I get revived and the first face I
see is yours Aragorn. Why couldn't you have had a blonde babe here or
"What? Is that all the thanks I get for reviving you? Do you realize what
I went through to get you here? And I don't even really know why I did
"Okay, okay. Thanks. Now, go fetch me some clothes, okay? It's cold when
you aren't dead."
Black Dragon lumbered down the hallway…(which meant he walked heavily, he
didn't put wood everywhere…sheesh…some people) And eventually came to a
door labelled 'The Secret Reason for why the Huron is named the Huron. No
Black Dragon thought he had finally found the lake he was looking for. Or
at least an olympic style swimming pool.
With eager anticipation (and his hands) he threw open the door, only to
reveal a sight he did not want to see.
Inside, for as far as the eye could see, was birds. Tons of birds. All the
same kind of birds. And they had been locked up in here for too long.
Spying the open door, they instantly formed a stampede.
Some hours later Black Dragon woke up, vaguely remembering something about a
hell of feathers swarming past him for what seemed to be forever, until he
"Shit. You look like a ton of birds just walked on you."
"Very funny. Go foo yourself."
"Foo? Um. Well, I'll find out what that means later. Here, I'm supposed
to say Hi. It's my job. 'Hi!'. How was that?"
"Very good. What did you say your name was again?"
"Oh. Hi. I've heard your name from somewhere, but I can't recall it. Want
to help me up?"
"Sure. But then I must go. I still have more people to greet!"
Viral gave Black Dragon a hand, and helped him to his feet. Viral then
proceeded on his way after being thanked.
Then it hit him. Black Dragon felt funny. Felt odd. Felt….feminine
(sp?). He then realized who he was (or at least, thought he was).
"Gosh. Here I am, a helpless maiden, all alone on this ship. And if that
isn't bad enough, I hear rumours of Dragons on board. What is a helpless
maiden to do?"
"Hi everyone. Nymph here. Well, as some of you may have guessed, we are
indeed in the Dark Nebula. We are over a planet, we think, that seems to be
the source of our reason here. So I've formed a search party to go down to
the planet and check it out. The list is as follows:
"Midnight Dj is the Search Party Leader. He'll be in charge of the
party…And this time Dj, when I say party, I don't mean the kind with booze
and music, okay?
"Tasha Yar is going to be the security officer, obviously. Her television
career preceeds her reputation, or something like that…
"Benji will be going along as a scout. Dogs make good scouts. And they
have built in marking devices to show where the party has been.
"Zabondrian will be the science officer, as he is the only scientifically
minded person on this whole darn Fleet.
"The Dark Adept will be there as advisor on anything mystical or weird like
that, and heck, you could always use a back up form of attacking in case of
"And Snoo will be going along as the token Leprechaun. It was bad enough
back in the 20th century when they had to have token females along in those
movies…we have to have a token leprechaun.
"So anyways, you all will be beaming down right away. Report to your
transporter rooms now, and you'll find some equipment there and…Oh hold on.
Incoming thought from another area of my brain."
"Oh yes. Um. Just start getting ready to go. I think it's probably a good
idea if I scan the planet BEFOREHAND to see if it is capable of keeping you
guys alive. Heh. Er. Ahem…."